Half term has just ended for my kids and they have returned back to school. I enjoy the holidays but I often always find them stressful at various times. Sometimes many times. The stresses can vary. There is the ongoing turmoil, angst and disagreement between my 4yr old and 7yr old who like the same things but hate the same things and want to do the same thing yet do not want to do the same thing and both want to play with the same thing at the same time without the other one. You get the picture. You know how it goes.
There are other stresses too. The weather. Living in England I think for many this is an ongoing stress. The unpredictable nature of our British climate is ongoing. Yet there is always an everlasting hope we will have a warm sunny day where we can bask in the heat, get out the paddling pool and have a dreamy BBQ, sipping Pimms and Gin and tonics whilst the children play happily and independently skipping round the garden. The reality is soggy sausages, burnt burgers and a body of water full of grass, dead flies and mud.
I think as a parent many of us put a lot of pressure on ourselves to try to make the holidays magical and memorable. I know I do. The dream would be to go on amazing day trips and holidays all the time. A different theme park every week, picnics in exciting locations, trying new sports and activities, play dates galore and wonderful holidays in exotic climes. Often the reality is quite different. For financial reasons, particularly at the moment this can be really challenging. You need the money to visit farms, theme parks, swimming pools etc as they are not cheap. And even if you do manage to actually get to these places the service could be awful, the people you encounter rude or nasty, the food could be dreadful, the value that you can get from them can be so varied as they are so busy during these times. You encounter more stress. Why bother?!
I think we try because as humans we are triers. We aim to see the best in situations and there are little dazzling spots of light in the dark- after a bad experience you can often laugh about what has happened. This brings people together. Or you remember the small moment when everyone was giggling at a joke or there was a moment of awe in the eyes of your child when they see something unusual or unique for the first time and this often blocks out the rest of the mess and noise that clouded the hope of the memorable occasion you are trying to achieve.
There are different ways to navigate stressful situations. Stress is a part of our everyday lives and we do need some stress to function properly. Without stress and our body’s innate response to it, we could not trigger our fight or flight mechanisms to run away from danger, we could not physically exercise and train ourselves to become fitter and stronger. But as Mo Gawdat talks about in his new book Unstressable too much stress is very bad for us. It can make us ill and literally break us. So finding ways to mitigate the stress is crucial.
For me this is exercising. And this became a real challenge over the half term holiday. I was tidying my children’s bedroom, moving a play tent out of their room when the poles pushed up onto the ceiling of the loft hatch. It is one of those spring release mechanisms and with the unbeknown to me push of the tent poles, the loft hatch swung down with such venom it smashed into me and an egg instantly rose from my flat forehead. I burst into tears and cried a lot for a good 15 minutes. I think there was more shock than pain, but the headache grew and was there for the days to follow as well as a small cut where I can only think the skin was smashed open. It was very sore and two weeks on still tender. I felt unable to exercise. This was a further source of stress for me. Not being able to exercise was stressful and removing my favourite form of stress relief further added to my woes. Dr Rangan Chattergee talks in one of his books about not being reliant on exercise for this very reason. If you cannot exercise for whatever reason you need to find other methods to help with the stress. I now understand what he means. However, I am a great believer in the versatility of exercising and moving and how there is so much scope out there for finding some kind of movement for everyone and every situation. I didn’t sit back and do nothing. I changed and varied my practice. Whilst I could not do my normal routine, I walked. I walked the dog, I walked with my kids, I got outside and changed the pace. Part of me thinks the blow to the head was the universe telling me to slow down for a bit and see things in a different way.
I started to think about other things I could do to cheer myself up. I love Elizabeth Day’s podcast ‘How to fail’ and thought about, as she suggests in her podcast, how we can use failures to learn something and shape our moving forward. Seeing things as opportunities rather than set backs. So I tried to think the same about my bang to the head. What opportunities does this present me? I usually get up early to exercise. As I didn’t feel up to this, I used the time to complete a workshop I had been trying to finish for ages. I sat a bit more with my children, rather than rushing around doing all the jobs I always feel I need to do. It was actually quite nice for a bit of a change.
All this said, during this time I still felt a bit sad and lacked energy. I decided to power dress, wearing colour and clothes that made me feel better. I wore dresses that I hadn’t in ages as to me, dresses are often kept for special occasions.
But this made me think too. As a mum, the amount I go out, or the special occasions I go to (I’m thinking here weddings, dinners, weekends away with friends, parties etc) has really diminished since my 20s and 30s. So I have a wardrobe full of clothes unworn or (in my eyes) unfit for the normal day to day. But actually this is just my thoughts and not reality. What I think of as not everyday clothes could be daily attire for someone else. So I came to the conclusion- “wear the dress”. Take opportunities to do things differently. Find ways to navigate stresses and cope, if not thrive in the unusual and challenging situations.
For me, exercising will always be my go to for feeling better and managing my stresses. I think it can really be used to help prevent stress rather than just as a prescription for when we are stressed although it has significant benefits in both of these situations. Regular exercise has also been shown to improve our levels of happiness too. I think being flexible and ensuring you find something that is manageable, enjoyable and suitable for the circumstance is key. A HIIT workout with a bump on the head is probably not quite the right medicine here.
If you want any help, motivation or info on the benefits of exercise in regards to stress and your mental health say hi @radiatefitnessuk on instagram or send an email to amanda@radiatefitness.co.uk
If all else fails breathe. There have been several times when my 4yr old sees me annoyed and suggests I should take some deep breaths. He is often right. How can he be so wise?!
Also- wear the dress.
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